i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
