I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
