so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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