my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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