I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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