Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
