took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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