I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
