yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i wish my penis had a tongue
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
