How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You made out with two different species that night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
