there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
