Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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