That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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