The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
