Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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