i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
