I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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