I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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