does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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