ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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