were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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