He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
