Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
