I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
