Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
