dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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