All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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