My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
