Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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