I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
