were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
