Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
