That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
