They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
