Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
