hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
