Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
