guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
