come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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