in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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