i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
