my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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