Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sorry my hands just texted you
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
