....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im having a threesome with these popsicles
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
