I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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