No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
