so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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