it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
