East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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