who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
