Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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