then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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