are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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