omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize