You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
