There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
