I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
