i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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