I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
