if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
