im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
