i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
