what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
