Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Drunk is not a location!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
