Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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