I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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