one might say we're banned from that church
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
