just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Girls should come with a carfax report
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
