hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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