you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
