You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
