We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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