Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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