Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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