And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
