My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
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