and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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