I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
