you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I still have a little drunk in my system
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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