and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Pants are for mortals
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
