could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize