i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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