Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize