It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
