I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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