Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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