so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
