my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I need help removing her.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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