I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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