This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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