So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
