Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
