just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
