the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
