Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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