Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize