Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
