I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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