Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
