Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
