remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
