I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
