i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Randomize
