Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
