they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
