i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
