First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize