I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
