I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
